Our lil buddy....

I have been a really bad blogger lately; we’ve been so busy with life that I haven’t slowed down enough to write in anything.
Jason and I just got done with our weekend at Tres Dias. Jason went on his weekend October 15th and my weekend was October 22nd. It was the most amazing retreat I’ve ever been, too. I can’t say a lot about it because I wouldn’t want to ruin the experience for anyone else. But, I forgave a lot of past junk, stuff that has affected me since I was 5 years old, up to about a month ago. I have forgiven myself mainly, but forgave A LOT of people who have hurt me, physically, emotional or sexually and now I am FREE! I laid it down and will NEVER pick it back up again, EVER! I truly believe God’s timing is never wrong and Jason and I were meant to go on this particular weekend. I truly believe that our marriage has been improved 100%, and one day when we have our future family, wow what an impact we will have on them! Tres Dias is what it is called here in Tennessee, but it’s also called Walk to Emmaus in Texas. I had several people serving on my weekend who went through Walk to Emmaus in another state. I would recommend to anyone!

I came home from Tres Dias to some pretty horrible news. Our lil buddy Beau was hit by a car Friday afternoon. He and Jason had gone to Jason parents for the weekend to help his brother “S” with his house. Beau loved the mountains. Jason’s parent’s house is on top of a mountain; however his brother’s house is right below it, near a busy road. Jason had let him out to go to the bathroom like we normally do, and Beau is really good about staying right with you without a leash on, well he didn’t know about busy streets, because where we live our street isn’t busy at all. Jason said he was playing right by them, and they bent down to move some scaffolding and Beau was gone. He said he thought he had gone into the house so they were hollering for him, that’s when Jay found him on the highway. What kills me and him both is whoever hit him, didn’t stop. And it was very obvious he was a pet because Jason had his coat on him that day because we had just trimmed him short and it was really cold that day. Anyway, bless Jason’s heart he had to pick him up and bury him at his parents’ home and then drive back home by himself and come home to all of Beau’s toys, bed and blankets. We didn’t have any phone contact while I was at the retreat. He could have called my sponsor, but he said he didn’t want to ruin my weekend experience. When I got home, I was so excited to see beau, I had missed him bad and was ready to play with him. We had started pulling down our street and I reached down to call my Mom really quick. Jason said, please don’t call your mom right now, I need to tell you something when we get in the driveway. Well, I had thought he had wrecked his truck, our house had been robbed, everything but not Beau, Beau never entered my mind. I just kept asking him what happened, what’s going on, are you ok? What happened? I stopped just short of our driveway and said, please tell me what happened. He started to cry and said Beau was hit by a car and killed Friday night, well…… I screamed bloody murder, I’m seriously surprised the cops didn’t show up, because I was screaming and crying and yelling No, no no your lying, you’re lying to me, where is he, all the while trying to get my keys in the lock at the house. Jason started to give me a hug to hold me and I just started beating the crap out of him, blaming him instantly. But, had I not just finished Tres Dias, I wouldn’t have been able to forgive him, in that instant I started to apologize to him, it had hit me, that bless his heart he had been with it by himself for the last two days, he had cleaned up all of Beau’s belongings for me so that I wouldn’t have to see any of it, and he had to pick him up and bury him. And I know for a fact as well as any of you know Jason absolutely worshiped the ground that dog walked on. I quit hitting and gave him a hug and said I am so sorry you’ve had to deal with this by yourself, I’m so sorry that I hit you, I’m sorry that I was mad at you instantly, I’m just hurting. Our home is definitely quiet now, and getting ready in the morning without my little singing buddy is soooooo hard. And then coming home and him not being there at the door with his toy in his mouth squeaking it for me to play with him is definitely hard as well. Each day has gotten a little easier, and we will get another rescue dog once we get home from our trip to Amarillo in November. We didn’t realize how dog dependant we had grown until we lost our lil buddy. He had so much love to give to us. When we first got him, he was emaciated, and covered in tick and flea bites, and I truly thought, holy cow what have we gotten ourselves into? But we feed him, we bathed him and got his skin healed up, and he started to feel secure in our home and just thrived….. He definitely ruled the roost! He had an amazing personality and we loved him. When you don’t have children they sort of become that, because you take care of them, & you love on them. I have had tons of outside dogs, and grieving over them was hard don’t get me wrong, but they were outside, so I didn’t have go out in the back yard if I didn’t want to and nothing in the house reminded me of them so I was good at getting over it. But man o man when you have an indoor dog and they follow you everywhere you go and are in your space 24/7 it’s hard, it’s like losing a family member. Please pray for Jason he’s having a pretty tough time with it.
Sorry for the sad blog….. We pray that we find another rescue dog who we can give a good home to, soon. Hope everyone has a great Halloween…… I wish I was in Texas to see my niece and nephew, they are going as Tinker bell and a rodeo clown….. too stinkin cute! Be safe!

Busy... Busy...

Once again this is just going to be a huge long post with no pictures involved…. Just a lot of news. Well, I started my fertility drugs last week… Jason was gone for a whole week, to be with his Dad; who was having a Triple-bypass surgery. I couldn’t go with him because we needed me to be here in Nashville for other reasons.
Father-in-law’s surgery went really good. It is definitely time for a change in eating habits, and all Jason and I can do is pray that this was a wakeup call. He still hasn’t be released from the hospital, it’s been a week and a day now since his surgery. They are trying to get him out of Atrial Fibrillation by giving him medication. Jason finally got home Wednesday night; we only got to see each other for a quick second before we went into our growth groups at Church. I’m super excited about my growth group and Jason’s growth group. His is separate from mine, he’s with all men and I’m with all women, which is just fun. And then on Thursday nights starting next week we are starting a life group which is small groups of couples who are in our Sunday school class and we dig further in the sermon from the previous Sunday. I can’t wait, not only for the learning, but it’s also a great way to get better connected to the people who are in your class. This past week, I definitely realized that Jason and I have made a large group of genuine friends who would stop at the drop of a hat to be there for support in whatever is going on. I had friends come over and watch movies with me, I had friends call and ask me if I would like to have dinner with them, I had people just texting me or face booking me checking on me , jason and my father-in-law…. I definitely felt loved last week.
As for the clomid (fertility drug) I only take 1 pill for 5 days. I pray that it works and all the symptoms of the pill are all going to be worth it in the end. I can handle ANYTHING if it will give us the baby we’ve dreamed about… Jason and I are definitely trying to keep ourselves busy with projects and Church stuff to keep our minds off of it…. So I am going to be a Project Coordinator for a campaign our company does every year call Caring for the Community. It’s a day that we get to go out and volunteer for a place of our choice and get paid a full day’s pay for it. I will be the Project Coordinator for The Nashville Ballet…. I am going to be leading a team of 10 people, we are going to do some landscaping, painting the lobby, and help build some stage props… I’m pretty excited about it and it’s a big deal here to be recognized as a Project Coordinator for Community Day’s. Stay tuned for pictures from that day….
In October… Jason and I are going to be going on a retreat; each one of us goes on different weekends….. It’s called Tres Dias (3 Days) we will each leave on a Thursday night, and return Sunday evening. It’s kind of secretive, about what goes on during the 3 days because they want everyone’s experience to be brand new and get the most out of it without any expectations. So you have to go with no cell phone, no computers, no TV…. Just you and God for 3 days… We have two amazing friends who are sponsoring Jason and me to go, they have both been through and they said not only did it improve their marriage, but it changed their lives. I’m excited about it. Also in October Mom and Dad are planning a trip here so they can see all the fall colors. We are going to take them to Gatlinburg for a weekend up in the Smoky Mountains… and in the fall there is no place prettier! Can’t wait for that either…. Busy…. Busy… It’s just amazing to me how our life together from this time last year to now has kind of come full circle… we definitely have found a home in Nashville….

Hopeful.....

It’s no shock that I am pretty transparent. I feel that this is a strength in some ways because I feel if I talk about stuff and things that have happened to me in my life, then maybe I am helping someone else in that particular situation. So I have no fear in telling people about seasons of which I have gone through in my life.
So as most of you know Jason and I have had a lot of trouble trying to get pregnant. I’ve had surgery to try and help the situation; it was helpful because it helped us realize that one of my tubes is completely blocked, there for we only have a shot at getting pregnant every other month (so we thought). I have been charting my basal temperature everyday for the last 4 months. Well it was time for my well check after my last surgery in March and my Dr. had said that if we weren’t pregnant in 4 months after the surgery that we then would discuss fertility drugs. So Jason and I went to the Dr. I shared with her my charts from the last 4 months and told her how I was confused by them. They didn’t make sense at all and they didn’t look at all like the “normal” charts that my husband and I had seen… so it was all very confusing until the Dr. saw them and said, “Well sweetie no wonder your confused, you’re for sure only ovulating every other month, but on the months that you are, you are barely.” So on a normal chart your temperature would peak for 2 days and that is when you are most like to get pregnant. On my charts it looked like a heart monitor line…. Up and down every day for the whole month. So in that appointment we discussed Clomid and I will start taking it this month. I am really excited about starting on them, because I feel like she is definitely moving forward with us in this journey and she’s not making us wait any longer…. Because let’s face it…. I’m not getting any younger and we would really like to have a couple of kids. So keep praying for us. We definitely know that we will love every late night, every cry, every smile, and every coo. We will cherish every single moment in our future child’s lives. Because we tried so hard to make this dream come true.
I have also come to realize that there are more women out there than you would think who have problems getting pregnant. It’s sad, it’s especially sad for the ones who want them SO bad, that there are women out there who will look you straight in your eyes and tell you that they didn’t want to be a Mother, they never wanted to have kids, they have 3 and they can’t stand them (Yes as sad as it is to hear, I actually had a lady I work with tell me that word for word)! Or you have people who continue to give their children up for adoption and they get pregnant again in a month…. It’s frustrating, it breaks my heart. And this last year and a half going on 2 years has been a true test. It’s definitely been a test on me. It’s hard every month for the last year and a half to have to go and tell your husband that you’re sorry that we aren’t pregnant and then for it to be my fault we can’t get pregnant. It’s been hard. I know that it can’t be mine to take on, but it’s hard not too…. Jason has been THE MOST supportive husband ever. He’s been my voice of reason for sure. We just pray that this option works. I have had 2 girlfriends who have sat me down and talked to me about them carrying a baby for us… Man…. All I can say is I have some amazing girlfriends…. AMAZING! I pray that we don’t have to go that route….
I’ve rambled as I usually do on this thing…. But please do keep Jason and me in your prayers, this has been a long hard frustrating journey and we absolutely know it will all be worth it in the end when we can hold our future son/daughter in our arms. Children are truly a blessing from God; we pray that we are blessed in the near future.

Our Trip Home

Sunrise in Arkansas
Sunrise on the road

Wall Cloud in Henryetta, Oklahoma. Was not fun driving through that storm....

WAHOO!! I was so excited to see this sign!!

My very first tattoo. aiyh means: Always in Your Heart! It is something my Mom and I started awhile ago when something had happened to me and my parents weren't physically near. My mom will always say, "Where am I when you can't see me?" Answer: "Always In Your Heart"

We had the best time in Texas seeing the kiddos and seeing family. We saw almost everyone on my side except about 6 cousins. It was a much needed vacation and was great to visit with everyone. We are excited about going back in August for my Dad's retirement. He worked for ExxonMobil for 35 years! I'm pretty proud of his accomplishments! And even more excited about getting our family pictures taken while we are there. If everyone gets to make it to my Dad's retirement. All of my Nanny's (Grandmother's) Great Grandchildren will all be there and we can get a picture of them together as well! Can't wait! Knowing that we were going to get to see my family in a couple weeks made it easier to say goodbye.

4th of July 2009

What a weekend! Man… we were on the road a lot this past weekend. All of our friends live in Hendersonville which is about 30 to 40 minutes away give or take with traffic. That is where we attend Church as well. So Friday during the day I went and hung out at the pool with my girlfriend in Mount Juliet. Anyway, that night we went to Hendersonville for their fireworks show with our friends. It was fun to hang out with them; we cooked out, and watched the kids play. Saturday morning we went back to Hendersonville and while Jason and Chad (One of our friends) were building picnic tables for our Church, Kristin (Chad’s wife) and I hung out at the pool. We then went downtown to the Nashville fireworks. Chad’s dad is an attorney downtown and his building is right up against the riverfront, where they set off the fireworks. We sat on the roof and watch the fireworks in the rain. It wasn’t just rain it was buckets of water. We were as wet as we would have been jumping in the pool with our clothes on! It was so much fun, though. We were definitely drenched, but it was so worth it. Nashville’s downtown fireworks show is THE BEST fireworks display I have EVER seen in my life. It was constant fireworks for a total of 25 minutes! Choreographed with the Nashville Symphony, pretty amazing!

Habitat for Humanity Home Dedication....

I got to go to the Habitat for Humanity house, I help build, for the dedication. It was a very emotional, HOT day! HCA also gave her and her family and brand new washer and dryer! It was amazing and pretty neat to walk through it after it was completed. It was great to get to see the family again one more time!

Man O Man.... where is summer going?

It has been a while since I’ve written. I am blessed enough to work for a company who wants you to go out and help the community. So I was able to take a day off of work and go help start a home for Habitat for Humanity! What a blessing, it was amazing, we started with a concrete slab and by the end of the day we had a completely framed out house including the truces for the roof! We worked out lil tails off. It was the most rewarding experience ever doing Community Service. I volunteer at the Rape Crisis Center and I get a lot out of the experience there as well, but the progress takes years sometimes to notice. With the Habitat home, I was driving away looking at what we accomplished and just felt amazing! I fell in love with the family and actually get to go back this Friday to watch the home get dedicated by our CEO. If you ever have an opportunity to start a habitat home instead of finish it… I say DO IT!! You will be so proud of yourself and be amazed at the whole process. Not only that, but you also learn a lot of skills that will help you on your own home or projects.

Lets see, so much has happened in the last couple of weeks. CMA Music Fest was here about 2 weeks ago. My cousin came in for the CMS Music Fest and the CMT Music Awards. We got to hang for a whole week, it was so much fun. And way cooler temperature wise than last years music fest. We started out the week with the City of Hope Celebrity Softball Game, which was a blast. There were so many Artists and Music stars. My cousin got us seats about 4 rows behind home plate, so we got to see all of them up close. The picture is from my iPhone so it seems like its further away than it really is. I have more pictures that I will post later. Then we went and did a couple of tours around Nashville, some of them I hadn’t done since we moved here, so it was fun and a first time for us as well. Saturday night we went to the concert and got to see The Judds play together for the first time I think they said in 10 years. It was awesome. Then Tuesday night, my cousin had an extra ticket for the pit at the CMT Music Awards. I was super excited, that was THE BEST time I have had in a long time! Her and I got on camera for about 2 minutes behind Bill Engall introducing Brad Paisley! It was a blast! We were about 3 people away from the stage and were in the middle of 3 major stages so we got to see everyone there up close and personal as well! Some of them looked like wax figures to me… just almost surreal I guess. It was so much fun.
Mom and Dad are starting to pack up their home in Qatar and will be officially back in the United States FOR GOOD July 1, 2009! The 3 years seemed like it would never pass fast enough and now they are on their way home next week! Woot! Can’t wait! Jason and I are driving back to Texas July 8th, we are not looking forward to the 18 hour trip, but we are sooooo excited to see everyone. We will be going straight to Midland because we are so hungry to see our neice and nephew, brother and sister-in-law. I am planning on meeting up with some of my high school buddies there as well. From there we are going to Lubbock to see my family there, I have a cousin who was born when we moved here and I have yet to see him… and he’s already standing up against things! How time flies! Then off to Amarillo where I will get to see my Best Friend and God Daughter for a couple of days. I am also going to see my buddy who lost his wife right after we moved… I am not looking forward to that reunion because neither one of us has seen each other since she passed away last October. It will be sad, but way WAY overdue! Then off to Pampa where I will stop and see my girlfriend’s (who passed away) kids. From there we are going to see my Nanny (Grandmother), Aunts and Uncles. I haven’t seen them since Christmas. Can’t wait. Then its back to Amarillo to pick up the rest of our stuff we couldn’t fit on the Penske truck when we moved and start back to Nashville. Making a stop in Oklahoma to see my Uncle on the way back. So we will be way exhausted, but are sooooo ready to see family and friends!
Summer has already started to fly by WAAAAY too fast! I can’t believe June is almost over! Crazy! Anyway, stay tuned for more pictures. And I will try my hardest to do better on keeping up.