God's Will....

I will start from the beginning….as my last post went, I was going into have a laparoscopy, hysteroscopy, and another type of procedure I am not sure of the name. This was on March 5, 2008, we went into the hospital I was admitted. I had the IV in my hand and the nurse was about to bring me my meds for the surgery and she went to double check my lab work. She came into the room holding a piece of paper to her chest and said, “honey we are going to have to cancel your procedure, today.” I started to cry because my husband and I with my female history had an idea that this would be the only option to help us to conceive. So I was really upset, like my dreams had just been crushed. Well, she laid the piece of paper on my lap and on there in highlighted marker was a positive pregnancy test. We were ecstatic, we started to cry and laugh all at the same time, and FINALLY we were going to get the baby of our dreams. So I asked the nurse I think 4 times, are you sure? She said, “Yes sweetie!” Its positive… well my family was waiting on Jason to call them once they had taken me back into surgery. So on our way out of the hospital we both called our parents simultaneously to tell them the great news. This would be my parents 3rd grandchild, but Jason’s parents 1st grandchild. Well, as it goes that whole entire day we could not wipe the grins off of our faces! Anyone who knows us knows this has been what we have been dreaming about forever…. I literally believe I knew I wanted to be a Mommy when my brother was born. Anyway, I was to come into the Dr.’s office that next morning to get more blood drawn to see if my pregnancy hormone had doubled since my last blood draw. Well, this was on a Friday so we didn’t get the lab results back until Monday morning. So all weekend we were just ecstatic, we couldn’t help but want to tell all of our families and friends that awesome news. Monday morning, I get a call in the morning saying that my pregnancy hormone had increased but it hadn’t doubled??? Right then and there I started to doubt that this pregnancy was going to make it to baby form. So I asked her at that point, am I pregnant. The nurse said, “The test keeps coming back positive and your levels did increase but didn’t double. We want you to come back in on Tuesday morning to get your blood drawn again to see if they double this time.” My gut told me, that this wasn’t ok to be excited about yet. I got my blood drawn Tuesday morning, yesterday morning on my way to work, I prayed about the outcome of this test. And I just had that feeling that the phone call I would receive in the next couple of hours wouldn’t be a good one. Well the nurse called me and said, Jennifer, sweetie your pregnancy test came back negative. I am so sorry for all of this, I know this whole situation has been very confusing for both you and Jason, but we just couldn’t go through with the surgery if you were possible going to become pregnant. These were just words; I kind of went through the motions of listening to what she had to say. I know it’s not anyone’s fault, but had they presented it to me differently at the hospital, we may not have been so quick to call all of our family and friends. We thought it would be an awesome story for the little booger once they got here.
I am thankful for my faith in God, I am so thankful for all of our friends and families. I am thankful that I didn’t have a whole lot of time to completely get used to the idea. I am thankful that it wasn’t 3 months down the road, and this happen. I know that God can see the “Big Picture,” when I know I can’t. I think in my heart of hearts that my “environment” wasn’t ok to carry a fetus to full-term, yet. It may have been God’s way of letting me know that Jay and I can get pregnant, and we just need a little help with the surgery. I do have a lot of questions, but I’m not questioning God for any of it. He knows whats in our future, Jason and I don’t necessarily. We have started back at square one. I am going back in for surgery next Thursday, March 19, 2009 and pray to God that it will help us get the baby of our dreams. Thank you all for all of your support and love, in the last week, we have felt more love than we have felt in a very long time. We had some of the biggest highs I think you will ever experience, and we have also experienced the lowest of low all within a week’s time. We just have faith that it is all for a reason, and we are thankful for every minute of this last week.

“To get something you never had, you have to do something you never did.'
When God takes something from your grasp, He's not punishing you, but merely opening your hands to receive something better. Concentrate on this sentence... 'The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you.”