Hopeful.....

It’s no shock that I am pretty transparent. I feel that this is a strength in some ways because I feel if I talk about stuff and things that have happened to me in my life, then maybe I am helping someone else in that particular situation. So I have no fear in telling people about seasons of which I have gone through in my life.
So as most of you know Jason and I have had a lot of trouble trying to get pregnant. I’ve had surgery to try and help the situation; it was helpful because it helped us realize that one of my tubes is completely blocked, there for we only have a shot at getting pregnant every other month (so we thought). I have been charting my basal temperature everyday for the last 4 months. Well it was time for my well check after my last surgery in March and my Dr. had said that if we weren’t pregnant in 4 months after the surgery that we then would discuss fertility drugs. So Jason and I went to the Dr. I shared with her my charts from the last 4 months and told her how I was confused by them. They didn’t make sense at all and they didn’t look at all like the “normal” charts that my husband and I had seen… so it was all very confusing until the Dr. saw them and said, “Well sweetie no wonder your confused, you’re for sure only ovulating every other month, but on the months that you are, you are barely.” So on a normal chart your temperature would peak for 2 days and that is when you are most like to get pregnant. On my charts it looked like a heart monitor line…. Up and down every day for the whole month. So in that appointment we discussed Clomid and I will start taking it this month. I am really excited about starting on them, because I feel like she is definitely moving forward with us in this journey and she’s not making us wait any longer…. Because let’s face it…. I’m not getting any younger and we would really like to have a couple of kids. So keep praying for us. We definitely know that we will love every late night, every cry, every smile, and every coo. We will cherish every single moment in our future child’s lives. Because we tried so hard to make this dream come true.
I have also come to realize that there are more women out there than you would think who have problems getting pregnant. It’s sad, it’s especially sad for the ones who want them SO bad, that there are women out there who will look you straight in your eyes and tell you that they didn’t want to be a Mother, they never wanted to have kids, they have 3 and they can’t stand them (Yes as sad as it is to hear, I actually had a lady I work with tell me that word for word)! Or you have people who continue to give their children up for adoption and they get pregnant again in a month…. It’s frustrating, it breaks my heart. And this last year and a half going on 2 years has been a true test. It’s definitely been a test on me. It’s hard every month for the last year and a half to have to go and tell your husband that you’re sorry that we aren’t pregnant and then for it to be my fault we can’t get pregnant. It’s been hard. I know that it can’t be mine to take on, but it’s hard not too…. Jason has been THE MOST supportive husband ever. He’s been my voice of reason for sure. We just pray that this option works. I have had 2 girlfriends who have sat me down and talked to me about them carrying a baby for us… Man…. All I can say is I have some amazing girlfriends…. AMAZING! I pray that we don’t have to go that route….
I’ve rambled as I usually do on this thing…. But please do keep Jason and me in your prayers, this has been a long hard frustrating journey and we absolutely know it will all be worth it in the end when we can hold our future son/daughter in our arms. Children are truly a blessing from God; we pray that we are blessed in the near future.